


Super Helpful

by platypusanon



Category: Hannibal (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Sherlock (TV), Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Bickering, Crack, Fighting, M/M, Protective Steve Rogers, Relationship Problems, Self Help (failed), super alternative universe, super silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2016-06-15
Packaged: 2018-07-15 04:35:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7208006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/platypusanon/pseuds/platypusanon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean thought it would be helpful to talk to other people in a relationship with a supernatural or otherwise super being, but boy, was he wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Super Helpful

**Author's Note:**

> Cover art by [reaperlove](http://reaperlove77.tumblr.com).

 

“Okay, guys, could you…, guys! Hey! It’s like talking to a room full of hyperactive snakes.”

Dean turns around and catches the raised eyebrow and quizzical look on John Watson’s face.

“No ears? Come on, that’s funny, dude.”

John leans over to his right side, where Castiel has just taken off his godawful new trenchcoat and whispers “Is he always like that? I thought being stuck with a humorless lunatic would be hard but I just realized it could be worse.”

“I’m not deaf, John” Sherlock grumbles without looking up from his smartphone,”and neither am I humorless or a lunatic, I’m a high functioning sociopath.”

“No you’re not,” Will Graham chimes in, unleashing five of the fifteen dogs and puppies he brought with him, very much to Dean’s dismay, “that’s not even a term we use anymore in modern psychology. You’d suffer from an antisocial personality disorder, but you clearly don't, seeing that you don’t threaten to kill and eat everybody who mentions that there is too much oregano in the arrabiata sauce.”

He throws a pointed look at Hannibal, who is cleaning his fingernails with his usual unreadable expression.

“The sauce was perfect, Will and when I do you a favour and cook something vegetarian, you should show some gratitude.”

Bucky snorts from his seat two rows back and Hannibal continues in a sweet voice “Tell me, Mr Barnes, do you think your mother would be proud of what you’ve become?”

“You leave my Bucky alone!” Steve lunges over the chairs, murder in his eyes and John and Bucky have to do their damnedest to hold him back from smashing the still smiling Hannibal’s head in with his shield.

Dean takes in the shouting, brawling mass and buries his head in hands the moment Cas stands up, hand raised to smite the hell out of Sherlock, who, in attempt to proof that he is funny, made a bad joke about crispy wings.

It sounds so good on paper, he thought to himself, a self help group for partners of the supernaturally and otherwise super challenged (John got in because Sherlock “is super annoying”). He loves Cas, he really does, but it would’ve been nice to compare notes and talk about what’s problematic about teleporting your boyfriend stark naked and with a raging erection to the middle of the drugstore because he bought the wrong flavoured lube. For example. But it always, always ends like this, with dog hairs in his coffee and Cas having to resurrect half of the group.

Dean sighs and walks to the beverage table, passing Buffy, who is uncomfortably wedged between the glaring Angel and smirking Spike, wondering why Superman and Lois didn’t show up today. Probably too much drama, he can’t blame them.

At least Hannibal brings the best homemade pastries, he thinks and takes a big bite out of the bacon sprinkled chocolate cake doughnut. Super delicious.

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of [SPN Coldest Hits](http://spncoldesthits.tumblr.com), the platypus sort of used puppies, Dean, Hannibal/Captain America/BtVS.
> 
> Platypus hopes you enjoyed this little piece of nonsense and leave a comment, that would guaranty you eternal platypus love :) 
> 
> But the platypus would be happy if you'd visit the platypus on [tumblr](http://theplatypusanon.tumblr.com).


End file.
